I Have Always Wanted To Ask You This . . .

-
Assalamualaikum.

Good morning people. It's Sunday. Hoping that you are enjoying your weekend with friends and family. When I started the first word for this entry, I still cannot decide on the language that I should use to write this particular post. If I use Bahasa Malay then it'll gives some kind of romantic vibes, well, as you may know, I tend to be a lot more "jiwang" when I wrote an entry using Bahasa Melayu. I go for English then so that it doesn't sounds too awkward. Ngee.

Last night around 9, I received a text from someone, a "friend" that I'll miss, occasionally. A simple text asking how am I doing now, am I in the pink of health. It is nearly a month since our last texts and all. Yes, there are times that I do think of this someone, there are a few occasions where I desperately feel the need to send a text to this person, because somehow I feel a little comfort through the conversation. Even though we are not exchanging tons of texts, but I do feel relief and happy somehow.


I still remember that time when you said I was "sombong" and "jual mahal" for not sending you a text, not even once at the very beginning of our friendship. Yes, I admit that I was being "jual mahal" at that moment at that time. I felt like a high school girl who was playing push and pull to someone that had a crush on her. Haha. Funny me. Yes, that was how I felt. I felt young again when you entered my life. But, at that time when I'm too immerse in my own fantasy and I started to loss grip of reality, my feeling takes a 180 degrees turn.

I never knew and the thought had never crossed my mind, that I actually started to like you. I like a friend. A friend that I met in this blogging platform, a friend that was always there in my phone inbox, a friend that loves to tease me, making me mad but at the same time never failed to make me smile too. And, it was you. When I realized that, I stop from being "jual mahal".

And if you asked me now, why I never even once sending a text to you even though you may not know how much I wanted to, it's not "jual mahal" anymore, it's cause I don't want my feeling to develop even further. I like you and that's it. I don't want to fall furthermore, in love I mean, so I kept a distance. I'm old for you, I have too much flaws and you deserve a better girl or perhaps you already got a girl that you love beside you, that's why I pulled away.

I only replied if you sent me a text. And if there was no text from you, then that's it. People said, time is the important essence in life. Time can heal, time can make you forget someone, time can keep your distance apart. That's what happen to me and my housemates. Haha. That's what I thought all this while. That if I don't send a text, not even once, it will drift us apart. At first you maybe texting me once in a week, then once a month, slowly you'll get tired and it become once in a few months then no more. No more you, no more texts. That's how I thought.


If it happens that you come across and read this entry from the very first word till the end of it, and if you still remember that I used to ask you is it okay to ask just a question, which in turn I didn't get a chance at all to ask, this is what I've always wanted to ask you.

"I thought you will get fed up finally and stop texting me when I didn't even bother to start texting you all this while, there are times when there has been no text at all from you for nearly 3 to 4 months, I said to myself, that's it then Farhana, it has ended. But then, to my surprise, at that time when I "occasionally" missing you, you appeared in my inbox, again. Despite my ego, my ignorance, my stubbornness and my selfishness, why? Why you are still here in my life, making it even harder for me to stop liking you, making me even greedier for wanting you to text me often. Why? And that is what I have always wanted to ask you but I don't have a courage to. Why???"

I never intend to write this long but that's how feeling flows I guess. Haha. Even thought I told myself not to text that person first, to stop what I feel, in-deliberately I already developed a habit of counting days since the last I received a text from that person. That's how the "3 to 4 months" came from. I kept the time in-checked. How fascinating and ironic isn't it? Haha. Have a great weekend people. Take care. Assalamualaikum.

HEART SPEAKS : Even though I can stop texting but I cannot stop sending cards, raya cards, birthday cards. Haha. Thank you Pakcik Posmen Ajil for delivering all my cards safely to this person. Thank you.
:)


Ulasan

Catat Ulasan

Catatan popular daripada blog ini

MRI Oh MRI : Pengalaman 30 Minit Di Dalam Gua Magnet

-
Imej
Assalamualaikum. Okay, first of all, pictures attached in this post are taken from Google, credit to the respected site. Atas sebab tidak mahu blog ini terus tercungap-cungap, ibarat nyawa-nyawa ikan sebab jarang ada post baru, jadi aku ambil keputusan untuk kongsikan pengalaman menjalani MRI di Hospital Melaka pada hari ini, 1 Julai 2013. Temujanji aku adalah pada pukul 2 petang tapi dah menjadi kebiasaan untuk aku datang lebih awal 10 minit untuk apa juga temujanji. Prinsip yang terbaik kita pegang, biar kita tunggu orang, jangan orang tunggu kita. Berdebar tak usah dikatalah, sepanjang jalan menuju ke MRI suite memang hati berdebar memanjang. Setelah selesai pendaftaran, aku diberikan baju hospital untuk ditukar. Segala macam peralatan besi yang ada pada badan perlulah ditanggal kerana seperti yang aku tulis di atas, ianya adalah gua MAGNET. Sebelum menjalani MRI juga ada checklist yang perlu ditanya kepada pesakit contohnya seperti pernah menjalani pembedahan memas...
Baca lagi

Parut? Tona Kulit Muka Tidak Sekata? Pigmentasi? Ini Jawapan Saya.

-
Imej
UPDATE TERBARU DIRI PENULIS : Sekarang dah berhenti pemakaian segala macam produk muka. Mulakan kembali dari bawah. Penjagaan dari dalam. Aku ambil Set Kurus Shaklee dan Set Penjagaan Kulit. Saja-sajalah nak cuba. Collagen Shaklee, ESP dan GLA Complex. Alhamdulillah tak sangka ada perubahan besar. Patut pun ramai yang jatuh cinta dengan Shaklee. Penjagaan dalaman dah ada, untuk luaran aku cuma pakai pencuci muka yang direcommend dermatologist, Cetaphil. Sesuai untuk semua jenis kulit. Kalau nak lebih berkesan, ambil bersama antibiotik untuk kulit selama sebulan. InsyaALLAH akan terasa kesannya. Jika ada kelapangan nanti, aku akan kongsikan tentang penjagaan kulit luar dan dalam ini berserta dengan gambar. Pada yang berminat nak tahu, boleh sms atau whatsapp saja. InsyaALLAH, ada kesempatan aku boleh balas. :) [Kulit setiap dari kita adalah berbeza. Jadi lain orang lain kesannya.] *All pictures are taken from Google. Credited to their respected site* Assalamualaikum. ...
Baca lagi

Ingat Lagi Pada Lirik Raikan Cinta?

-
Imej
Borak bersama bapak tersayang tempoh hari menimbulkan kembali sejarah-sejarah entry yang lama.. Entry tentang penterjemahan lirik Raikan Cinta yang sensasi dan kontroversi itu.. Hahaha.. Masihkah anda ingat? Seriously aku tak tahu makna sebenar di sebalik lirik itu.. Sebab M. Nasir tak pernah calling aku pun inform pasal itu.. Haha.. Ada orang kata, SILENCE IS GOLDEN.. Tapi aku ini, memang suka bercakap.. Suka berkata-kata.. Aku suka pada perkataan.. Semenjak berjinak-jinak dalam dunia puisi, sajak, pantun di bangku sekolah, aku begitu mencintai patah perkataan.. Bagi aku, kata-kata bukan hanya sekadar satu ungkapan tapi satu bentuk ekspresi perasaan, luahan rasa jauh dari sudut hati yang kadang-kadang tak dapat kita suratkan.. Hanya mampu kita siratkan.. Dengan perkataan.. Sebab itu, kalau aku berkata-kata, aku benar-benar maksudkannya.. ( kecuali kalau aku bergurau ) Aku cinta padamu? Masih menanti untuk mengungkapkannya.. Sebab itulah dalam sesebuah lagu, aku terpaut pada liriknya d...
Baca lagi