Yesterday, while browsing through my blog stats, I found a referral to my blog. From a friend's blog, a really really old blogger friend of mine, knew him way back since 2009. An entry he wrote on DON'T JUDGE BLOGGER BY HIS OR HER BLOG. That was the first time that I met him after a year of being friend through social networks.
The way that he wrote about me, that's just me. That is just so Farhana. You can say that he did a good job on describing me, and as well as comparing a real life me and a virtual life me. I'm good in writing, way better than talking and bonding with people. And hence, I'm using that ability of mine to get near people. Moreover I'm a blogger and that's a plus point for me. I'm sort of knowing the way and know how to write and bonding with people through writing. But I'm failed if you ask me to be friend with a stranger by talking and seeing eye to eye with him / her. My mouth got sealed and my eyes will be everywhere. Eyeing this and that. You got a one sentence answer from a one sentence question. That is just me when I'm with someone that I met for the first time. Even though we are really close in social network. Seriously.
It's not that I'm not friendly and the silence type one. I got really hyped up, talking and laughing and making jokes with my closest friends and family. But I do keep silence on certain things. I love to express things, but in writing and not through words that we speak. Sometimes I wonder at what point in my life that this way of expressing myself got change and how it changes the way I used to be.
Cause as far as I can remember, when I'm around the age of 7 to 18 years old, I'm good at both. I can write letters to bunch of pen pals all over Malaysia. Socializing through meeting people during a course or camp. I love to talk and talk and talk on a stage in front thousands of people. I'm so interested in writing poems and recite it during assembly time. That's how I used to be. But, after reaching 20 and above, everything takes a turn. A big turn.
It's not that I don't like the person I am now. I've adapted to it. As I grow too much into keeping silence, I learn to express my silence through words. Even though it is really hard and difficult. Believe me, it is. It's different when you compare expressing through speaking and expressing through writing. While you can easily expressing things if you speak, it takes quite some time for people to realize and understand the things you express through writing. You need to keep writing and writing for your expression to be heard just as loud as you speak.
Just like me. I'm writing and struggling against silence. But still, my feelings can't be heard. I'm too coward to speak, so I write. I write it here and there, but still it yields nothing. It's not that I'm hoping big but I still bear that tiny little hope, that what I wrote will be heard. If not today, maybe tomorrow, or maybe 10 years later. It's okay. As long as you can hear my voice, through each and every words that I wrote.