12 Okt 2017


It's 10 at night. Tons of work, never ending, finishing a report, then here comes another. What a life. Haha. But it's something that I enjoyed doing, I now know how is it feel to fall in love. Ops!! Haha.

(Habislah kalau jadi gila kerja lepas ni, workaholic!!! Errrrmmm)


In the midst of this busy and blissful life, syukur Alhamdulillah, someone asked me, "Don't you want to get another shot at love? Don't you want to fall in love again?" Wow!! It's about love. Haha. I kinda forget about it as I am busy "loving" my job. Phew!!!

Hmmm. What a tough question eyh? Why are you asking by the way? Haiyooo. Who doesn't want a chance, who doesn't want to be loved? Tell me who? Well, it's just not the time yet. You know, the calling. Here's a story about chance. One chance that I miss, and yes I regret it. A story of me and an awkward little boy. Haha.

It's 2009. A year of blogging hype. I befriended a blogger, I was 22 at that time, and he was 20. We never met, up till today, never get a chance to meet. We started as blogger friend, then we became friends. After some time, around 2010, we became close friends. At least, that's how I view our so called relationship. He often texted me with his usual opening statement "Salam Dr, apa khabar?". The texts were so frequent that I've been including that as a routine for me. I rarely initiate my conversation. Every time, it was him. Until it became too convenience for me, too routine, that I tend to always wait for the texts from him and for me to reply. I never bother to start asking him "apa khabar". There are times that I do asked first, but he was usually the first one. I became accustomed to that routine.

But, how can someone be persisted throughout, if he is the only one who makes the effort. Time after time, the texts get less frequent. Once or twice in a week. Then it's once in a fortnight. Once in a month. Once in few months. Until it was radio silence. That was when something really hard hit me. I lost something. I missed something. Just because I'm too scared, I'm not confident, I'm getting too accustomed of him texting me, that I lost my chance. I lost my chance to tell him how much I appreciate his texts, how it means to me, how it brightens my every day, and how it makes me to like him.

Well, he may not be having the same feeling, and I may be the only one feeling that, but I still have regret on that, for not taking my chance. Because, who knows it might turn into another new Cinderella and Prince Charming story. Haha. (Berangan!!!)  

"Why don't you just start texting him now?"

Haha. Is it easy? Hmm. I didn't text first at that time because I felt I have so many things lacking, I'm jobless, I'm not beautiful, I'm fat, I'm blah blah blah. So many excuses. And now, when I feel that I'm prepared for everything and I'm ready to take whatever chances, I may just be too late already. 

He has his happy life, he has someone he loves, he may be even planning to get married, and what right do I have to enter into his life frame and confessed on how I feel. 

I never blame him for stopping to text me. I'm the one who drift us apart. I'm the one who never grab my chance at a tiny glimpse of happiness. You know, it's true what people say.

We yearn for opportunities, we pray for opportunities and we seek for opportunities. The good news is that we meet opportunities. The bad news is that we miss the opportunities only to come to a later realization of missed opportunities.

Funny isn't it?

So, do I want to have another chance at love? Yes, I do! Do I want to fall in love again? Yes, I do. But I want to be prepared, physically, mentally, spiritually, because it's the chance that I want to grab and I never want to let it go, again. I believe Allah knows when I'm ready and when is the perfect chance and opportunity. For now, I'm enjoying work, I love my job, if the things are meant to be, it'll come at the perfect time. Right?

Pssttt!! Mana tahu kalau duduk oversea, jumpa "opportunity". Kannnn?? Hahaha.

Good night people. We all have regrets in life, but learn to turn the regrets into opportunities, more and more opportunities in life. Sweet dream and sleep tight.


P/S: The screenshot was an article that I read a few months back about when you'll get married, based on your Myer Briggs Personality Type. I'm INFJ, and that's my answer.

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