For A Bit Less

Assalamualaikum. Selamat pagi. Salam kasih sayang.

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It's funny because when you're a child, you believe you can be anything

you want to be, go whenever you want to go. There's no limit to what you

can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales

and in possibilities. Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered

and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're

hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just

might have to settle for a bit less. - Cecilia Ahern

[Credit to Sis Cheryna's a.k.a Kak Sha's Instagram]

P/S : A big fan of her. ^^

 I love browsing through Instagram. One of my favorite Instagrammer (Does this word even exist? Lol!) is Sis Cheryna, I've known her through blog a few years back. What I can say about her Instagram is, browsing through all her pictures are like therapy for the eye and soul. The pictures are tempting of course, and the caption, full of information or quote from a novel or movie, poetic and full of emotion. And this one here, is from Cecilia Ahern. I just love this.

A journey from childhood to adulthood.

Masa kita kecil-kecil dulu, macam-macam kita berangan kita nak jadi. Kalau sebut cita-cita, mungkin lebih dari 10 agaknya. Tengok movie atau drama, mulalah khayalkan yang entah apa-apa. Hmm. Because of our innocence. We are so young and so naive, we believe in everything. It's like you can even reach for the stars, moon and the sky. Right?

Masa tadika, cita-cita nak jadi pramugari. I became very fashionable at that age, plus girly. Bila dah naik sekolah rendah, dari lembut jadi ganas, boyish. Terpengaruh dengan Power Rangers, apa lagi. Sampaikan kalau masa dekat sekolah, pergi tandas konon, tapi sebenarnya sibuk ber"it's morphin time". Masuk darjah 6, dah matang sikitlah. Belajar lebih sikit. Alhamdulillah dapat score UPSR, zaman 1999, aku satu-satunya pelajar Melayu yang dapat 7A dalam UPSR di daerah Miri, jadi aku kena wawancara oleh 2 syarikat akhbar Cina. Bila sampai soalan cita-cita, aku jawab aku nak jadi saintis. Heh. Jujur aku cakap, aku tak tahu pun apa sebenarnya saintis buat. Tapi sebab bunyinya macam maju, jadi kita balun jugalah sebut.

Waktu menengah waktu banyak monolog dengan diri sendiri. Zaman yang aku sangat taksub dengan dua benda, MAGIC dan FAIRY TALES. Bila tengok Sabrina The Teenage Witch dengan Charmed, aku yakin semua orang boleh buat magik. Hari-hari aku fokus sambil hayun-hayun tangan konon nak alihkan barang, telekinesis katanya. Zaman ini jugalah zaman hati senang "tersangkut" (read as CRUSH). Fairy tales kan!! Budget dapat jumpa prince Charming dan happily ever after, tapi sampai sekarang pun solo. Haha. 

I am a person who always expect the unexpected, kadang kita tahu benda itu takkan mungkin jadi, tapi tetap berharap. I was full of hope during my teenage years. Sampaikan masa zaman matriks, aku sangat giat mencari cikgu-cikgu dan kawan-kawan masa belajar di Miri dulu, even dah 4 tahun terpisah. Guess what, I was able to reach almost all of them including Pengetua aku masa sekolah menengah merangkap ayah angkat aku, cikgu BM dan cikgu pidato aku. I tracked each one of them and I succeeded. That's all because of HOPE.

My innocence start shattered, I guess around the age of 19? After I finished my ASASI, I was still playing around, not even try to look into life. Then I got an offer to do my degree, in Audiology. That's when it hit me. I kept asking myself, what I really want. I want to do everything but it's not like I get to do everything at the same time. So I applied to become a doctor. My medical school days was 50% serious and 50% playful. Still hard to let go that innocence side, that's why my parents always said that although I'm 28, I still act like a girl in her early 20s. That's not a compliment by the way.

I try to become more determined. Even though I may appear unmotivated, "pasrah", but actually I'm driven inside. It's boiling up. Haha. Even now, I'm struggling to set my path right, again! But I will not lose hope. I'm trying to settle for a bit less.

:)

Have a good day people. Assalamualaikum.