Here, I bring to you the definition of paranoid and phobia based one the Oxford dictionary.
Paranoid - Unreasonably or obsessively anxious, suspicious or mistrustful.
Phobia - An extreme or irrational fear.
Well, let me count, I think this paranoia and phobia things have been going around meddling with my head for quite some time already. Hmm. I think maybe around 2 to 3 months. It started since I read about the news regarding a school teacher who was shot to death on his way to school. To add up the essence and spice up the flavor, we've been expose to the world of gangsterism in Malaysia. There are a long lists of "Geng" that have been exposed by our police. And along with that, more and more people has lost their life, shot to death, stab by sharp objects subsequently lead to death and thousand of other cruel ways that we could hardly imagine that kind of things could actually happen in real life.
People has lost their humanity? Or the surrounding and environment that force people to give up on humanity? Truly said, I'm scared. Scared of how, why, and what we would eventually turn up to be. One day.
Yesterday, again, Malaysian were shocked by the news where a female bank worker got shot to death in a robbery committed by the security guard who work on that day. Isn't the job of a security guard @ pengawal keselamatan is to guard the security of people and the workplace? Or am I wrong on the definition of a security guard? I'm sad. And, I'm scared. May Allah rest her soul in peace and give the patience to her family member to get through this. Another test from Allah.
And not only that, a case where a man ran amok and end up stabbing two people to death. Oh Allah!
And for the past few months, I've been hunting by this feeling of fear and insecurity. I know that everything is already written up there, your life, your fate, your destiny. And people say "malang tak berbau". But still, that thought always rushing in my mind and meddling with my feeling.
I got really scared to drive, so I always end up dragging my brothers along. And I always avoid the traffic light, but still how on earth you can avoid that, right? So I try not to stop near the bikes. I always keep a watch on all the people riding the bikes, well, afraid something will happen I guess. I try not to withdraw money by going to the bank and perform my transaction mostly through online banking. And I'm way too scared if my car's fuel panel start to blink indicating it needs to drink. Petrol station is another place where crime always happen. And yeah, 7 eleven too. So I always go to a petrol station when it is flooded with people.
Every people that are caught within my sight, who appears suspicious, something something, always rises the fear in me. I got really scared of them and always keeping a look if they might take out something from their pocket or bag.
Urgh! This paranoia tires me out. I hate why I must feel this way. Scared. Afraid. Fear of people and surrounding. I've always been that type of girl who easily get over worried. And in the end, that feeling actually sucks up my positive energy and I get tired at the end of the day. I mean, mentally tired. Hmm.
Today will be a long day. I need rest!!! Haha. Okay. Till here then people. Do take care. Assalamualaikum.