Wait Or Walk Away?
Assalamualaikum.
It's been a while. I got so many things to say, but I don't know where to start. Here goes a story about that feeling that has been bothering for quite some time now. And yesterday, that feeling makes me want to write something here. Hmm.
You know that feeling of liking someone? It's liking but not yet going into loving. Yesterday I read a status that was shared by someone I like. A status from Dr. Bilal, stating that "Your future spouse has already been chosen for you by Allah. It doesn't make sense to cry over someone who doesn't belong to you." It kinda gives me a wake up call, like it was meant for me somehow.
I've been liking this someone since few years back that I known him. Because he used to always be there for me. A good chit chatting partner I should say. Time goes by and I really wonder how I've come to like this person. That entry that he wrote in his blog during my birthday in 2011, really make me feel close to him, like a really good good friend, someone that I don't want to lose, someone that I want to treasure. Someone that I like?
In that mid 20s, I basically do everything. I wrote special entry on his birthday. I sent cards on raya festival, on his birthday, even sending all the biskut and kek raya, hoping that he somehow understands how I actually feel about him. There was one time that I scared the kad raya I sent was not going to reach on time, so I used the F4 size Pos Ekspres envelope, I don't care about all the embarrassment I'll get because of that giant size envelope, as long as it reaches on time. Even that time when I sent a parcel of kuih raya, I rush to the nearby post office after finishing my class, even though the post office was gonna close in 15 minutes. Haha. That's how much I do like this person who used to always make me smile with his texts everyday.
My friends always nag at me, saying that he understands how I feel, but he don't respond to it, so they tell me I should just give up. Give up that feeling. Don't wait. Honestly, part of me is hurting. I keep asking myself, the distant that is getting wider between us, is that a rejection? We were not contacting each other for quite some time, but I never forget this person. During that time, how much I have the urge to text him, but I'm afraid, to accept the reality, that he looks me just as a friend, I'm scared to ask for an answer. So part of me, still continue waiting.
Until that one day, I noticed someone in his family is going to get married. I thought it was him. I'm scared to even ask, because there may be a chance that he is the one getting married. I kind of stalked the girl's facebook (sorryyy), and noticed a number of the facebook status was written with the initial "AD". I never should have stalked. Disappointed. But after some digging then only I realized that his brother was the one who was getting married. *Malu dengan diri sendiri*
Slowly, I told myself to not wait anymore. To just give up. I believe he met someone special already in his life, that's why we rarely contacted each other anymore. Perhaps someone from his hometown. He used to say that, marrying someone in the same city would be easy. Hmm. Well, perhaps later I'll met mine. Only Allah knows when.
I'll not wait. I'll give up. But I'll never forget that sweet entry that you wrote on my birthday. "Selamat Hari Jadi Sayang" is something that'll always be in my memory. You too, yeah you, Penyebab Senyuman Dalam Rahsia. Be happy Mr. AD, thank you for sharing the status, I'll always remember that. Not to cry, because it doesn't make sense. Huhu.
Assalamualaikum.
